Failure is a natural and natural part of life, be it personal or professional. The way we relate to it and let it impact us can be very different. For some, it can be a major disaster and for some, it can be just a normal part of life and a chance to learn more so not all know how to manage failure in an emotionally healthy way.
It happens that we do not get the desired result in an exam for which we have prepared a lot.
Although we understand how emotional eating works and we have started to change our relationship with food, we still miss out from time to time.
We have recently opened a business, and the results at the end of a few days are so overwhelming that we almost feel like giving up.
We set out to change the way we communicate, to become more receptive, but sometimes we find ourselves inattentive to what others have to say or angry because of the things we have just heard.
Failure has, as we can see, different nuances, and depending on the proposed goals – it may mean something different for each of us.
The more important the goal is for us, the more painful it is or the obstacles we encounter along the way.
But no matter how intense the failure we go through, it is important to integrate it as a natural part of our lives. Let’s normalize it. Let us choose to learn from fear instead of running from it. Let’s not feel it as a constant pressure. Let’s not get stuck in it.
Here’s how to deal with your failure in an emotionally healthy way:
1. The first step in managing failure in an emotionally healthy way is gentleness towards ourselves
The more self-critical we are and the harder we tend to punish ourselves, the more uncomfortable and painful the failure will be. In general, self-criticism is closely linked to the constant and acute need for perfection, which causes us to do things, each time, flawlessly – an unrealistic expectation, by the way.
When we fail to achieve a certain goal, we feel that we are not good enough and blame ourselves without taking into account that the goal set may not have been realistic. We perceive the failure experienced as a way of conveying to ourselves that we are not enough.
On the other hand, if we learn to treat ourselves gently, it is easier to accept failure as a natural part of life, and instead of constantly rebuking ourselves: we can focus on the things that have led us in this direction and what we can learn from that failure.
Let’s analyze a concrete situation: until recently we didn’t exercise at all, and suddenly we set out to exercise for two hours every day, after which we gave up and, implicitly, we felt that we had failed.
Instead of blaming ourselves for not being able to achieve our goals, although we want to have a healthier lifestyle, we could look at the situation objectively and be aware of the factors that have hindered us. Maybe we chose a much longer daily duration or maybe we chose some exercises that we don’t like. So, we did not set a realistic goal for the point of life we are in now.
2. In order to be able to learn from failure we must first connect to our own emotions
Experiencing a failure makes us feel anger, sadness, fear – so emotions that cause discomfort, which is why we most often run away from them, especially if we used to do the same in childhood. Running away from our own emotions does not help. What we can do, however, is to accept and integrate failure as a natural part of life, but on the contrary.
The more we hide from our own emotions and the more we hide them from our loved ones, claiming that we are well, the more difficult it will be for us to manage failure in an emotionally healthy way. If we simply allow ourselves to experience emotions and write about them in a journal. Or maybe talk to someone close to us about how we feel because we can see things in a different manner just by saying them out loud, we will more easily manage failure and, by implication, the emotional baggage that accompanies it.
3. In order to integrate failure as a normal process in our life we must start with analyzing and changing beliefs about failure
The way we relate to failure is based on deep-seated beliefs in our minds, some of which have been around since childhood. For example, if we felt the pressure to always get the highest grade in school, and a grade below 10 was, from the beginning, a colossal failure, we continue to keep the same faith, only in other contexts, and in adult life.
Therefore, we react negatively when we receive constructive feedback at work or from a close friend, just as we become immediately defensive when our partner expresses a less comfortable point of view about us.
We can, however, change our perspective on failure. We can change those deep-rooted beliefs in our minds and choose to learn from failure and integrate it into our normal day-to-day life so we can start to manage this failure in an emotionally healthy way. It is important to be aware of these limiting beliefs, to understand where the current way of reporting failure comes from, and from there – to start practicing day by day until we get used to the idea that failure is perfectly natural and that experiencing failure does not mean by no means that we are less valuable, less competent, less good. It is simply part of the development journey of each of us.
This is how you can develop by learning by observation.
4. A big issue that we have and that blocks us in the process of managing failure in an emotionally healthy way is that we tend to compare just our results to others
The tendency to compare our own failures, some just imagined, with the successes of those around us, whether they are close to us or people in the online environment we admire, is harmful in the long run.
The common goals do not mean identical trips. Each of us lives a different life and relates to different aspects of life in a different way.
Let’s say that we and our best friends set out on the same day to start playing sports. Although they manage to do two hours every day, and we only have one hour, this does not mean that they live success and we failures.
Each of us has our own way of integrating a habit into our daily lives. Each has its own development journey. The only path we should take is ours and we are the only ones that can choose how we relate to one experience in our lives, how we see it, and if we see it as a failure we can decide how we integrate that failure into our lives and what we can learn from it and not run away from it and be ashamed.
Learn also how to grow your self-confidence by following our tips.
5. Maybe the most important point in managing failure in an emotionally healthy way is to take responsibility of your own actions and your experiences in life
In order to be able to learn something from a failure and to turn it into a development opportunity, it is essential to take responsibility in a realistic way.
Let’s go back to the example of the goal of doing sports for two hours every day, even though we’ve never been to that point before. When faced with failure (in this case, giving up sports after just one week), it is important to analyze our contribution and take it on.
In such a situation, we may realize that we have, from the outset, been unrealistically related to the integration of a whole new habit into our daily lives, and we have chosen an intensity or a duration. too much daily exercise.
It is important to remember two things about taking responsibility: first, it and gentleness towards ourselves are not mutually exclusive; secondly, it is necessary for us to realize how we can make things better in the future – so to learn our lesson from that failure or experience.
In the previous example, the lesson is to understand that the natural integration of any new habit is based on setting realistic, tangible goals and that any major change starts with smaller but safer steps.
This is the most important step in managing failure in an emotionally healthy way because if we blame others for what we do and think, then we will not be able to integrate that failure in a healthy way and learn from it so that we can grow.
As final thoughts, even if failure is not a comfortable experience, we can learn to manage it in an emotionally healthy way and to integrate within ourselves the idea that failure is a natural part of life.
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